We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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