I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
