how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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