Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
