South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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