plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm passing your future prison.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
