So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
