The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
