I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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