3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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