Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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