On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
