maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
