That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
