I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
