I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
