I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
