i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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