the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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