His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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