the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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