I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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