So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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