so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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