just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
