the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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