apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize