I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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