Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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