I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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