I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
