dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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