I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
