Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
