Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
