It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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