I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
