: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
