doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
