Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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