i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
