i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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