sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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