Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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