I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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