At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
