Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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