I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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