it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
