In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
