my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
