What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
