I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
