i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
