I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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