i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
