last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
