so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
