WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
