Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
