Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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She's the barista slut.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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