i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
