Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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