u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
