My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
