When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
