dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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