I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
